The Cranky Old Gnome

Most of my experience with other tanks has been on my healer, and I’ve seen quite the variety.  And I’d imagine that in my own time as a tank I’ve qualified as one or two of these types myself.  Just note that this is by no means a comprehensive list. Also, more than likely the tank you are with is an amalgamation of many of these types.

Here are some of the different types of tanks I’ve run with:

I suffer from a debilitating disease known as altitis.  This causes me to create alt after alt, obsessively trying to get them at least to 65 so I can max their professions.  Let me tell you a little about my alts.  Settle in.  This is a long post.

« Read the rest of this entry »

Dear sir or madame;

My my, I love seeing you fellows around!  Boy it just tickles me pink watching folks squirm around you trying to get their mouse icons to switch from targeting you to targeting whatever you stand on.  I’m ever so impressed when I see one of you positioned so well that it really has become impossible to click on whatever you are standing on.  Oh, and when there are two of you? Brilliant!  I mean, you must have an unfathomably large mental capacity to be able to come up with that clever of a scheme.  You’ve spent time and effort getting that fancy new mammoth.  The world of Azeroth deserves to see you, up there all proud and prim.  This scheme is admirably brilliant.  Far beyond anything your average 12 year old could come up with.

But what do you do when the masses start yelling at you, whispering and such?  Why, go AFK of course!  It’s the perfect plan!  After all, you can stand there for a good 15-20 minutes before people realize that you haven’t just gone AFK to go to the bathroom or get a drink.  But you have to make sure to flag yourself AFK rather that actually go AFK.  No sense in letting the game automatically log you off right?  What fun would that be?

Those of you standing on mailboxes and the like, what are you thinking?  I mean, honestly what a waste.  Especially with all the additional mailboxes they have added.  How are people going to admire you and your new mount if they just jaunt off to a new mailbox?  The same goes for vendors and the like.  If there’s somewhere for them to move on to, you can bet they will.  I know, I know…they just don’t appreciate the leetness you have attained.  That’s why it’s up to you get them looking in your direction.  I recommend quest givers (especially neutral ones) and flightmasters (especially in neutral cities).  You’ll get the most bang for your buck!  But why am I telling you this, a clever fellow like you doesn’t need my help, I’d imagine you’ve already thought of this a long long time ago.

I’m curious, how do you deal with your one weakness?  I’m talking of course about baby spice.  What is that nonsense anyway?  I mean, here you spent all that time and effort gathering up rep or shards or gold to buy yourself a fancy new mammoth, and all you want to do is show it off right?  And what better place to do it than a heavily trafficked point, especially in a neutral city where Horde and Alliance alike can bask in your obvious leetness.  If you stand on the flightmaster in Dalaran, everyone will have to see you!  I mean, how can they click it without seeing you first?  So here you are, standing there relishing in the spotlight, and someone tosses babyspice at you.  And suddenly you are so tiny that you are no longer blocking access!  It’s insta-death for your audience.  Oh sure, eventually the buff will wear off, and you’ll gather a new group of admirers, but if the baby spicers can just bypass you that quickly, they won’t have the privilege of admiring you for an extended period of time!  They’ll be totally missing out.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work.  People everywhere are very excited to see you there.  No one gets sick of it or irritated in anyway.  It’s not an inconvenience of any kind.  No no!  It’s not like they have better things to do that spending a couple minutes trying to click on whatever you are standing on only to finally give up and try something else.  You aren’t a total and complete waste of time and space.  You are very valuable to everyone’s World of Warcraft experience and I genuinely hope that you don’t suffer any diminished brain capacity due to the vast amounts of effort you have committed to this endeavor.

Cordially signed,

Thistlefizz T. Cogsproket.

Many of you may find this hard to believe, but once upon a time areas like Silithus, the Eastern Plaguelands, Winterspring and Burning Steppes were considered “end-game content.” Before the Dark Portal opened again and before the boats/zeppelins started taking us all up to Northrend, we busied ourselves grinding Argent Dawn, Cenarion Circle, Thorium Brotherhood, Timbermaw Hold, and Zandalar Tribe rep, and worked to get those rare Frost Saber mounts. Now all of that content is pretty much ignored – people skim blithely through the “early” levels (which now, amazingly, includes everything in Outland) in their mad quest to get “phat 1ewtz” at the latest raid. This means a lot of people are left largely confused by what they find when they reach the latest “end-game content” – I still remember people in 2007 insisting that Ilidan could easily beat Arthas, or claiming that Ilidan was actually IN CHARGE of the Burning Legion.

« Read the rest of this entry »

The Stoppable Force had an article today about racial abilities.  Rather than take up enormous space in his comments section (I already did that is his post about instances), I’m gonna cheat a little and just do my own post about what I think would make cool racial abilities.

Over all I would like a few things to change things across the board.  First of all, I would like to see a change to any profession bonuses.  Either I would like there to be recipes/schematics/whatever that are only available above the level cap (thus actually providing some benefit to having 465 engineering as opposed to having 450), or I would people without the profession (but have the racial bonus) to be able to access one or two of the cool high-end things.

Secondly, get rid of weapon racials.  I hate them. They are stupid. Sorry, I don’t actually have clever reasoning to give.  I just don’t like them.

The other thing I would like to see is the racials being more helpful to each class that race can be.  For example, having an “Expansive Mind” (plus 5% Intellect) is useless as a warrior, or a rogue..  Sure that’s great for mages, warlocks, and eventually priests, but not the other two.  Yes, you could say that Escape Artist makes up for it, but really that’s beneficial for all the gnome classes.  If there’s something for casters, I would like to see something for the melee.  It doesn’t even need to be as specific as something for heals, something for ranged dps, something for tanks, something for melee dps.  Just something caster & something for melee.  But maybe that’s too much wishful thinking.

Anyway, let’s get to the heart of the matter.  I’ve kept most of the good ones, just with a couple changes.  Also, I’m aware that some of these are probably waaaaaay overpowered.  But that’s the fun part right?  Oh and by the way, as I only really play a gnome and a troll, those are the only two I’m going to do this for.  Because doing it for all the races would take way to long and way more energy than I have.

Gnome:

Tutelage of the High Tinker: 15 point bonus skill to engineering.  Allows limited access to certain engineering-only devices regardless of skill level/profession. (e.g. Dalaran AH, enchants)

You Can’t Hit What You Can’t See: Instant, increase dodge/block/parry by 10% by 6 sec. 3 min. cooldown. (something for the warrior tanks out there!)

Expansive Mind: (passive) Increase Intellect by 5%. Also increases hit rating by 3%.

Arcane Resistance: (passive) Increase arcane resistance by 3%.

Escape Artist: Escape the effects of any immobilization or movement speed effects, and makes you immune to them for the next 10 seconds. Instant cast. 1 min, 30 sec cooldown.

For Gnomeregan!: Opens a wormhole to the center of the newly retaken Gnomeregan.  3 sec cast. 30 minute cooldown. (not shared with hearthstone)

Troll:

Regeneration: (passive) Increase healing regen by 10% in and out of combat.

Da Voodoo Shuffle: (passive) Reduces the duration of all movement impairing effects by 15%

Berserking: Instant. Increases melee speed/spell haste by 20% for 10 seconds.  (No longer related to health level because I think that’s stupid. Again, nothing clever, just stupid.)

Beast Mastery: Affinity towards beasts.  Taming pets is easier/faster.  Also grants the ability to purchase and ride any faction mount regardless of reputation.

Jungle Beat: (passive) Nature resistance increased by 3%.

The “I Win” Totem: Only available to troll shamans.  Instant cast. 6 month cooldown.  Drops a totem with 5 health at the feet of the caster. Grants 100% to all stats of all members in the raid.  Kills any enemy within 200 yards, regardless of level.  Includes raid bosses.  Lasts 5 minutes.  Consumes all mana available as well as 15% of your total gold across all characters.

Ok I totally lied.  I thought of a few good ones for some of the other races.

Dwarf:

Cartography: (passive) Skill with maps increased.  Grants ability to track treasure, ore, and herbs simultaneously.

Strength of the Explorer: (passive) Increased stamina/strength by 5%.

I’ve been here before: (passive) Allows dwarf access to old maps, books, and word of mouth which grants them every flight path in Azeroth (including Northrend) and Outlands. Reduced travel cost.

Skill of the Titans: (passive) Increased blacksmithing skill by 15.  Allows access to blacksmith only enchants regardless of skill level or profession.  Also reduces material costs for smelting certain items.

Runed Iron Form: (formerly Stoneform)  Instant. Removes all disease, poison, magic, charm, curse, or any other damage over time effect.  Reduces movement speed by 50%. 5 min cooldown.

Human:

Diplomacy: Increases the rate at which reputation is gained by 10%.  Also, starts off all reputations with at least 50% neutral.

Human Spirit: Increase spirit by 5%.  Increase resilience by 15.

Loyalty to the King!: Instant.  Calls on the will of the Alliance increasing total health by 20%

Dude, I see you: Increases stealth detection on PVE targets.  Able to completely see through PvP target’s stealth when activated.

Skilled hands: Increases tailoring skill by 15.  Increases the effectiveness of cloth scavenging.  Allows access to tailoring only enhancements regardless of skill level/profession.

Draenei:

Blessing of the Naaru: Instant cast. Heals target by x amount over 15 seconds.  Based on spell power/attack power whichever is higher.  If activated when at full health, increases total health by 20% for 30 seconds.  5 minute cooldown.

Gemmcutting: Increases jewelcrafting by 5.  Increases the effectiveness of prospecting skill. Allows access to jewelcrafting only enhancements regardless of skill level/profession.

Heroic Presence: Aura.  Increases chance to hit with spells and abilities by 2% for all party and raid members.  40 yard range.

Shadow Resistance: Reduces the chance to be hit with shadow spells by 3%

E.T. Phone Home!: Instant.  Reconnects with the mother ship, completly eliminating rez sickness and reducing durability loss from spirit rez to 20% (down from 75%).  Only effects equipped items.  5 hour cooldown.

Night Elf:

I’m a dirty hippie: Whines and moans about a bunch of nonsense about saving the sick gazelle in the Barrens.  Increases whining by 10% and judgmental nosiness by 100%.

Shadowmeld Run Away!: Steps into the shadows, reduces enemies ability to detect you.  Drops threat.  Allows you to watch the rest of your party die while you hide in the shadows.

Summon Very Big Bad Guy: Call down the forces of some evil villain thinking that you will be able to exploit them for your own gain, only to have them turn against you.  Again.  (Burning Legion anyone?)

I’ll leave the rest of the Horde to someone who knows those races better.  Besides that, I think my creativity is all tapped out, as you can tell by the boring ones for the Draenei.

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]”

~Fizz