An open letter to those who stand on flight masters, mailboxes &c, with their mammoth mounts:

November 11, 2009 § 2 Comments

Dear sir or madame;

My my, I love seeing you fellows around!  Boy it just tickles me pink watching folks squirm around you trying to get their mouse icons to switch from targeting you to targeting whatever you stand on.  I’m ever so impressed when I see one of you positioned so well that it really has become impossible to click on whatever you are standing on.  Oh, and when there are two of you? Brilliant!  I mean, you must have an unfathomably large mental capacity to be able to come up with that clever of a scheme.  You’ve spent time and effort getting that fancy new mammoth.  The world of Azeroth deserves to see you, up there all proud and prim.  This scheme is admirably brilliant.  Far beyond anything your average 12 year old could come up with.

But what do you do when the masses start yelling at you, whispering and such?  Why, go AFK of course!  It’s the perfect plan!  After all, you can stand there for a good 15-20 minutes before people realize that you haven’t just gone AFK to go to the bathroom or get a drink.  But you have to make sure to flag yourself AFK rather that actually go AFK.  No sense in letting the game automatically log you off right?  What fun would that be?

Those of you standing on mailboxes and the like, what are you thinking?  I mean, honestly what a waste.  Especially with all the additional mailboxes they have added.  How are people going to admire you and your new mount if they just jaunt off to a new mailbox?  The same goes for vendors and the like.  If there’s somewhere for them to move on to, you can bet they will.  I know, I know…they just don’t appreciate the leetness you have attained.  That’s why it’s up to you get them looking in your direction.  I recommend quest givers (especially neutral ones) and flightmasters (especially in neutral cities).  You’ll get the most bang for your buck!  But why am I telling you this, a clever fellow like you doesn’t need my help, I’d imagine you’ve already thought of this a long long time ago.

I’m curious, how do you deal with your one weakness?  I’m talking of course about baby spice.  What is that nonsense anyway?  I mean, here you spent all that time and effort gathering up rep or shards or gold to buy yourself a fancy new mammoth, and all you want to do is show it off right?  And what better place to do it than a heavily trafficked point, especially in a neutral city where Horde and Alliance alike can bask in your obvious leetness.  If you stand on the flightmaster in Dalaran, everyone will have to see you!  I mean, how can they click it without seeing you first?  So here you are, standing there relishing in the spotlight, and someone tosses babyspice at you.  And suddenly you are so tiny that you are no longer blocking access!  It’s insta-death for your audience.  Oh sure, eventually the buff will wear off, and you’ll gather a new group of admirers, but if the baby spicers can just bypass you that quickly, they won’t have the privilege of admiring you for an extended period of time!  They’ll be totally missing out.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work.  People everywhere are very excited to see you there.  No one gets sick of it or irritated in anyway.  It’s not an inconvenience of any kind.  No no!  It’s not like they have better things to do that spending a couple minutes trying to click on whatever you are standing on only to finally give up and try something else.  You aren’t a total and complete waste of time and space.  You are very valuable to everyone’s World of Warcraft experience and I genuinely hope that you don’t suffer any diminished brain capacity due to the vast amounts of effort you have committed to this endeavor.

Cordially signed,

Thistlefizz T. Cogsproket.

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§ 2 Responses to An open letter to those who stand on flight masters, mailboxes &c, with their mammoth mounts:

  • Len says:

    I would also like to add my love and appreciation for players on mammoths standing in, on or near the Dalaran fountain.

    Fishing those coins up isn’t nearly difficult enough already, I mean really everyone loves to stand fishing in the same spot staring at a wall hour after hour. Having a beautiful mammoth standing right on your fishing spot certainly does break up the day!

    • thistlefizz says:

      Oh man how did I not remember that one? Absolutely brilliant. You could also stand on top of city portals, but again that doesn’t share the magic with both factions.

      PS: *removes sarcasm hat–in case you didn’t know I was wearing it* By the way, I discovered this is a reportable offense. Blizzard considers it zone or area disruption. And while the official response I got was they will look into it but couldn’t tell me the result of their investigation I like to imagine that our lovely friends with the mammoths are getting the crap knocked out of them with the Banhammer.

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