The Cranky Old Gnome

Seamus found himself humming “Whistle While You Work” as he cleaned out his car.  He didn’t clean his little Toyota very often, but he wanted everything to be perfect for his second date with Lisa.

            His heart fluttered at the thought of her.  They had only just met, but he was already smitten.  They had already made a deep and last connection.  He could feel it.

            Man this car is disgusting, Seamus thought.  The back seat was full of half eaten candy bars, fast food wrappers, empty bottles of energy drinks, old socks, a detailed map of the city, and hundreds upon hundreds of photographs.  Seamus was a wonderful photographer.  He owned a small portraits shop in the mall, right next to the coffee shop where he had met Lisa.

            What a natural. She acts like the camera isn’t even there, Seamus thought, holding up a candid photo of Lisa that he’d managed to snap on their date the night before.  She hadn’t seemed particularly upset when he’d pulled out his camera and took picture after picture of her.  In fact, she seemed to have enjoyed it.

            She looks the best in this one, he thought.  He held up another picture of Lisa, the first one he’d taken of her as she left her office on her way home.  I should make her a collage, he thought, suddenly inspired.

            He cleared a pile of Kleenex and lotion off the back seat and laid out a handful of pictures. He had the one of her leaving work, as well as the candid of her.  He also had one of her in the car, one of her eating dinner, and one of her at the gym.  He had a bunch of her at home–sitting in her living room, feeding her cat, watering her plants, and even a really nice one of her in the shower.

            Man, am I glad I sprung for that telephoto lens, he thought.  He’d had to spend most of their date stuck in his car, as he wasn’t good with crowds.  They made him nervous.  But, he didn’t want to seem standoffish, so towards the end of the evening, after he’d made sure that she’d gotten home safe, he climbed the tree outside her bedroom window so they could hang out for a while.  Then, because he was a gentleman, he made sure that she got to sleep ok.

            It took him nearly two hours to get the last of the junk out of his car.  Then he spent another hour getting out the smell.  He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect.  He opened the trunk and began to line the edges with soft carpeting.  He put in a long cushion, a few throw pillows, and even a reading light.  After all, he wanted Lisa to be comfortable.  It was important to impress a lady like that on a second date.