Writing Exercise #4

October 25, 2011 § Leave a comment

The idea behind this exercise is to write a scene without any dialogue tags or external descriptions. Everything must be told through dialogue. The goal is to make it so that the reader can always tell who is speaking and follow the story. If you feel like commenting, I would love to know if you’re able to tell how many characters are in the scene, where they are, and if you can follow who is speaking.

 

“Can’t we talk somewhere more…private?”

“Oh relax Suul, sit down, have a drink! Enjoy yourself! Hey, sweet cheeks! Let’s have a round for me and my friend here!”

“Good Gods Trean, are you trying to get caught?”

“You need to relax more. Look, we’ve got a new girl performing tonight. I can arrange a private party for you later if you like.”

“If you’re not interested in doing business, I’m leaving.”

“Ok, ok. Let’s go to my office.”

“You want ya drinks Mr. Trean?”

“Bring ‘em to the office in a few minutes sweet cheeks. My friend and I need to conduct some private business.”

“Sure thing baby.”

“Alright, come in. Try not to have a heart attack. It wouldn’t do us well if I had to call the herrishons to take you to the med center. Sit, sit.”

“Look I came a long way. Do you have the device or not?”

“Straight to business, eh Suul? That’s what I like about you Telkin rebels. No nonsense. You know, I knew a couple of Rehad rebels once, used to come in here all the time and–”

“Here’s ya drinks baby”

“You are lovely sweet cheeks. What would I do without you?”

“Ya’d have ta get yer own drinks. I’ll be in the kitchen if ya need me.”

“Mmmm–mmm! You ever seen a beauty like that before? Amazing body on that one. And the things Aealin does at night–make you believe in all ten gods!”

“The device. Yes? Or no?”

“Yes. Do you have the payment?”

“I’m ready to credit your account as soon as I see it.”

“It’s in the box, behind you. You’ll find that everything is in perfect working condition. Exactly like you specified.”

“It’s blue.”

“What?”

“The device. It’s blue. I told you, it had to be red.”

“What does that matter? The device will still provide a constant source of power, and won’t give off any noise either. You’re engines will run for 100 years on that thing.”

“You think I’m a fool Trean? Blue modules are Illani modules. Trackable. That’s why it had to be red.”

“Hey, look, I’m sure we can work out something! Tell ya what, I’ll get you a new one! Half off. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like you don’t know Telkin rebels as well as you think. Tell you what is actually going to happen. I’m taking this device, and you can consider it a gift.”

“Ha! Oh Suul, you think you can just walk out without paying me what I’m due?”

“You’ve always been an arrogant bastard Trean. You’ve been trying to screw me since the first time we met. And yes, I know about your contact will the Illani officials. I bet you even think they are on their way to arrest me and reward you right now don’t you?”

“How did you–?”

“Transport’s ready ta go baby. Ya get tha device?”

“Aealin? What? I don’t understand…”

“Aealin isn’t just some whore you picked up off the street. She’s been working for us for a long time. We sent her here to make sure we could stay one step ahead of you when you tried to turn us over to the Illani.”

“You little bitch. I’ll…ugh..I’m…gonna…”

“Oh, did I forget to mention? That Rehad ale you are so found of has been laced with one of my own creations. What you are undoubtedly feeling now is a sudden, severe disorientation, followed by nausea and a headache. I regret to inform you, but the last few moments of your life are going to be extremely…unpleasant. Your body will feel like it’s on fire, and then ice cold. Then you won’t be able to move. After that…well, I don’t want to ruin the surprise now do I?

“You…you can’t…”

“Take the device. Meet me at the transport in five. I’m going to check his back room safe before we leave, see if he’s got anything else that we can use.

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