For Gnomeregan!

September 9, 2009 § 3 Comments

I read a post over at Armaggedon’s Coming today that got my passions inflamed.  To sum it up, Gnomeaggedon makes the claim that the Gnomes need to retake Gnomeregan to escape our Dwarfish and Human oppressors.  He talks about how we are relegated to the smallest, dirtiest areas of Ironforge and Stormwind, and how we are mostly treated as an afterthought.  He accuses the Dwarfs and Humans of “receiving some sort of Alliance Refugee Assistance Payments, keeping it for themselves to fund their exploration and war efforts while the Gnomes sleep rough on the streets and get relegated to corner shop owners.”

And you know, it’s hard for me to disagree with him.  It may be because I have my own theory on what actually happened in Gnomeregan.

Read more to find out about the great Gnome conspiracy of our day.

High Tinker Geblin Mekkatorque is responsible for the fall of Gnomeregan.  That’s right.  The very High Tinker we all trusted to lead us to safety was the one who caused the destruction in the first place!  He had only recently been elected to the office of High Tinker when the troggs began invading.  There was immense pressure to move forward with the expansion of Gnomeregan, and at the same time develop advanced technology for the Alliance’s war effort.  The Council of Tinkers warned him that the diggers were going to fast and that proper surveys weren’t being taken, but Mekkatorque was eager to drive the project forward and achieve early success.

And then the troggs invaded.  This was when he made his pride led him to his second major mistake.  He didn’t ask for help.  Of course the justification given is that he didn’t want to trouble the Alliance with the ‘paultry affairs’ of the Gnomes.  But really, he didn’t want to look like a fool in front of the other leaders.  So he tried to keep the problem in house.

His final mistake was listening to Mekgineer Sicco Thermaplugg, who insisted that the only way to solve the trogg invasion was to flood the city with radiation.  Again it was his pride and shortsightedness that lead him to allow Thermaplugg to irradiate our city.  And you know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Thermaplugg was actually opposed to the idea.  The High Tinker offers a quest to go in to Gnomeregan and kill Thermaplugg.  He doesn’t want you to save any irradiated Gnomes, or look to see if the troggs are gone, or even find out if the radiation levels have diminished.  But he is willing to pay anyone off the street to go in and dispatch Thermaplugg.  It sounds more like a political assassination and cover up to me.  After all, if Thermaplugg is dead, he can’t talk.

And another thing, it’s been over five years since the ‘fall’ of Gnomeregan and have we retaken it? No! Why is that?  Perhaps, as Gnomeaggedon suggested in his article, the Dwarfs are receiving some federal money from an “Alliance Refugee Assisstant Fund,” and their passing along a portion of that to Mekkatorque.  I mean, why would he want to ruin a good thing?  On top of us potentially finding out the truth about what happened, he’d loose a sweet kickback and probably the office of High Tinker!

It’s high time we elected another High Tinker I say!  Geblin Mekkatorque has gotten away for too long with this whole ‘King of the Gnomes’ crap.  He’s used the excuse that the Gnomes are in exile so it’s better that he just stay in charge until things get settled.  But that’s exactly why we need to have a new leader because we are still in exile!

Now some people may say that I don’t have ‘proof’ or ‘evidence.’  But I say all I have is theory and conjecture because the High Tinker has done such a thorough job of covering things up!  So Gnomes of Azeroth, unite!  It’s time we elected a new High Tinker, threw off the bonds of oppression from the Dwarfs and Humans, and retake our glorious city!  It’s time for the Gnomes to be given the respect and honor we deserve!

For Gnomeregan!!

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]”

~Fizz

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§ 3 Responses to For Gnomeregan!

  • Sketchykeys says:

    Dammit the gnomes found out about the internet. We can’t let them learn about 4chan, if they do, they own the world.

    • thistlefizz says:

      Well, perhaps I was a bit harsh in my rant.. it is entirely possible that Geblin has our best interests at heart and just made some bad mistakes. Perhaps he isn’t part of some conspiracy, and isn’t keeping us from returning home on purpose, but instead he’s just unsure on how to proceed. However, sitting around doing nothing isn’t the solution. Which I is why I still think having an election for a new High Tinker is needed–even if Geblin is re-elected, having to account for his actions and actually lay out a plan for what he intends to do about the problems facing Gnomes today may be just the thing he needs to come out of his “self-imposed seclusion.”

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