Archive for funny

Is World of Warcraft your dirty little secret?

Posted in General with tags , , on January 1, 2010 by thistlefizz

I was at a New Year’s Party last night where I saw a number of very old friends, many of which I hadn’t seen since high school.  During the general milieu someone mentioned that he and his wife play World of Warcraft.  It wasn’t a big thing, and the conversation didn’t dwell on it, but I noticed myself making a conscious choice to not share the fact that I also play World of Warcraft.  Well, actually the choice I made was to not tell them (and also the whole group) that my girlfriend and I both play, mostly so as not to embarrass her because I know she sill blushes a little when people find out she plays.

But it got me wondering though, how many of you play World of Warcraft keep it as their dirty little secret?  Are their certain people you tell and others that you don’t?  Do you hide your game play from people?  And, I don’t mean do you hide the /played time from your significant other, but do you keep it a total and complete secret from everyone?  On the other hand, do you make a point to tell everyone you know?  Do you include it in your CV, your facebook profile, wear WoW shirts/hats/etc, have a WoW related bumper sticker, and dress up like a Tauren for Halloween?  Or are you somewhere in the middle–you don’t offer up the info on your own, but will bring it up if someone else does?

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz

PS: For those of you wondering, once the group had dispersed a little, I did happen to mention to my friend that I play WoW, and even that I run a blog.  But I did manage to refrain from mentioning my girlfriend plays as well.

Do you think that’s really effective?

Posted in Humor with tags , on December 28, 2009 by thistlefizz

So as I watched yet another super cool dude showing off his pvp mammoth mount (by standing on top of the winter veil presents in Ironforge on Christmas morning) it occurred to me that a I’m not sure if a brief ban is really a good punishment.  Oh sure, when the ban/suspension lasts more than two days it’s probably long enough to actually disrupt the persons game play enough to actually feel like a ban.  But when it’s short (like the common 3-hour ban for spamming trade), I’m not sure as if it’s really all that much of a punishment.  Except for the most die-hard, addicted, WoW-crackheads 3 hours out of the game is just a quick break.  It might even be bed time for them so all they have to do is sleep it off and everything is fine in the morning.

Because of this I have come up with a few punishment ideas that are a bit more…creative.

The 3-hour ban:

This is a revamped version of the classic ban.  Only this time instead of not being able to log in to the game, you log in and get a debuff that lasts 3 hours.  The buff would be visible to everyone and called “Banhammered.”  This debuff would be applied to every character on your account.  The only way for it to wear off would be to actually be logged in for three hours.  But you couldn’t go <AFK> because you could still be auto logged out for inactivity.  The effect of this debuff would be that you could do anything. Except walk around.  And your movement speed would be reduced by 99%.  Your action bars would be grey out so you couldn’t use them.  You wouldn’t have access to any form of chat.  You wouldn’t be allowed to interact with any NPCs (including, but not limited to bankers, auctioneers, flight masters, etc).  You would just have to walk around at 1% speed, waiting 3 hours for the debuff to wear off.

You would receive this punishment for minor infractions like (non-gold) spamming or other chat related things.

The day-long ban:

A harsher version of the 3-hour ban.  Same effect just lasts for 24 hours.

You’d get this for more serious offenses like minor game hacks or player harrassment.

The multiple day ban:

This would be as it works now, you wouldn’t be able to log in at all for however long they decided.  But this would end with the 3-hour debuff.

The multiple day ban would be for the most serious of infractions that violate Blizzards Terms of Service agreement. (You know, the agreement that shows up each time there is a patch, the one you have to scroll all the way to the bottom off in order to get the “agree” to light up? Yeah that one.  I bet none of you have ever read it, let alone read it each time a new patch comes out.  In case you were wondering, yes, I read it each time.)  You’d get it for game hacks and botting and gold spamming and other really bad things.

Community Service:

When a player is banned because they were impeding the gameplay of others, they would required to perform community service.  The cause of this punishment could be anything from harassing other players, to ninjaing loot; from being a racist/sexist/etc jerk in trade to standing on flight masters/mailboxes/etc.  Basically anything that would classify you as a ‘fun sucker’.

People with this punishment would have a choice of community services.  The could:

  • Pass on all loot in one randomly chosen heroic dungeon. (All loot, not just loot that is rolled over.  Even vendor trash and money.)
  • Group with 20 randomly chosen low leves (below level 10) and help them get up to level 15.
  • Clean all the trash around the capital cities. x number of hours sweeping things up.
  • Lead 10 randomly chosen old ladies across…um…some sort of street I guess.
  • I thought I had more ideas….I guess I’m out.

Anyway, just some thoughts I was having, mostly because I want the punishments to be more of a deterant.  I want it to be a much harder decision for them to decide that the consequences are worth engaging in crappy actions.  Yeah I’m sure a lot of you disagree with this and thing that these punishments would be unfair or unreasonable.  But it’s not like I’m the one deciding on them or applying them.  Blizzard would still be enforcing them….although if they wanted my help I’d be more than happy to wield the ban hammer for a little while.

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz

Edit: I’ve decided that there needs to be a unique punishment for mount blockers.

  • First offense: 24 hour debuff that reduces character size by 50%.  Cannot use large mounts.
  • Second offense: 48 hour debuff  that reduces character size by 50%.  Cannot use any mount.
  • Third offense: Permenant debuff that reduces character size by 50%.  Also all mounts have their sizes reduced proportionately so that they can’t be used to block mailboxes.

I also think their should be some more unique punishments for people who ninja things (although it has to be very clear that the stuff was ninja’d–not just an accusation.

  • If an item from a heroic is ninja’d, character must pass on all loot for the next random dungeon.
  • If an item from a raid is ninja’, character must pass on all loot for the next raid they enter.
  • Raid and Heroic level (and accompanying item drops) must be proportionate to the item they stole.

Link Love!

Posted in General with tags , , on December 24, 2009 by thistlefizz

Looks like the plague I managed to contract is beginning to clear up.  (Thank you magical antibiotics!)  Now that I’m coming out of it I’m realizing how far behind I am in my blogging!  I haven’t posted daily (I was lucky to get out weekly), and my feed reader have 94 posts waiting for me.

Here are some highlights:

It’s nice to know there are so many WoW bloggers going strong despite the fact that we all know we’re not actually playing the game with feeling–we’re just waiting  for Cataclysm to drop.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone! I’ll be back on boxing day!

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz

Tiny Deep Breaths of Doom!

Posted in General with tags , , on December 3, 2009 by thistlefizz

I was reading somebody’s blog the other day (I’m really sorry I don’t remember who it was), and they had related a story that their Onyxian whelpling set off their Deadly Boss Mods with it’s tiny version of ‘Deep Breath’.  I had a good chuckle about it, and it slipped from my mind.  Until last night when the exact same thing happened to me.  And how did I react?  I screamed like an idiot and ran into the wall–despite being in the Orgimmar Auction House.

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz

Three months! Hooray!

Posted in General with tags , , on December 2, 2009 by thistlefizz

My blog is three months old today.  Yes, that’s right, today we’re getting all meta.  I can’t help it.  But since it seems like plenty of other bloggers self analyze their blogs, I feel justified in doing it myself.  Ok fine, the truth is I couldn’t think of anything else to write about today.  But I promise the post will be funny as well as informative.  After all, learning is fun!

I haven’t been around long enough to go into some long treatise on the intentions of the blog juxtaposed against the actual posts and the degree to which they have succeeded in implementing those intentions.  Besides, that’s totally boring.  So instead, I’m going to list a few stats and talk about the interesting things people are searching that lead them to my blog.

Stats, and figures, and data oh my!

Fake it ’till you make it!

Posted in Humor with tags , on December 1, 2009 by thistlefizz

I watched a movie last night that got me thinking.  My eventual point will probably spark a few disagreements.  That’s fine, not everyone has to agree with me.  I won’t judge you for being wrong.  Find out what the movie, and the point are, after the break.

Read more »

The many types of tanks

Posted in General with tags , on November 13, 2009 by thistlefizz

Most of my experience with other tanks has been on my healer, and I’ve seen quite the variety.  And I’d imagine that in my own time as a tank I’ve qualified as one or two of these types myself.  Just note that this is by no means a comprehensive list. Also, more than likely the tank you are with is an amalgamation of many of these types.

Here are some of the different types of tanks I’ve run with:

An open letter to those who stand on flight masters, mailboxes &c, with their mammoth mounts:

Posted in Humor with tags , on November 11, 2009 by thistlefizz

Dear sir or madame;

My my, I love seeing you fellows around!  Boy it just tickles me pink watching folks squirm around you trying to get their mouse icons to switch from targeting you to targeting whatever you stand on.  I’m ever so impressed when I see one of you positioned so well that it really has become impossible to click on whatever you are standing on.  Oh, and when there are two of you? Brilliant!  I mean, you must have an unfathomably large mental capacity to be able to come up with that clever of a scheme.  You’ve spent time and effort getting that fancy new mammoth.  The world of Azeroth deserves to see you, up there all proud and prim.  This scheme is admirably brilliant.  Far beyond anything your average 12 year old could come up with.

But what do you do when the masses start yelling at you, whispering and such?  Why, go AFK of course!  It’s the perfect plan!  After all, you can stand there for a good 15-20 minutes before people realize that you haven’t just gone AFK to go to the bathroom or get a drink.  But you have to make sure to flag yourself AFK rather that actually go AFK.  No sense in letting the game automatically log you off right?  What fun would that be?

Those of you standing on mailboxes and the like, what are you thinking?  I mean, honestly what a waste.  Especially with all the additional mailboxes they have added.  How are people going to admire you and your new mount if they just jaunt off to a new mailbox?  The same goes for vendors and the like.  If there’s somewhere for them to move on to, you can bet they will.  I know, I know…they just don’t appreciate the leetness you have attained.  That’s why it’s up to you get them looking in your direction.  I recommend quest givers (especially neutral ones) and flightmasters (especially in neutral cities).  You’ll get the most bang for your buck!  But why am I telling you this, a clever fellow like you doesn’t need my help, I’d imagine you’ve already thought of this a long long time ago.

I’m curious, how do you deal with your one weakness?  I’m talking of course about baby spice.  What is that nonsense anyway?  I mean, here you spent all that time and effort gathering up rep or shards or gold to buy yourself a fancy new mammoth, and all you want to do is show it off right?  And what better place to do it than a heavily trafficked point, especially in a neutral city where Horde and Alliance alike can bask in your obvious leetness.  If you stand on the flightmaster in Dalaran, everyone will have to see you!  I mean, how can they click it without seeing you first?  So here you are, standing there relishing in the spotlight, and someone tosses babyspice at you.  And suddenly you are so tiny that you are no longer blocking access!  It’s insta-death for your audience.  Oh sure, eventually the buff will wear off, and you’ll gather a new group of admirers, but if the baby spicers can just bypass you that quickly, they won’t have the privilege of admiring you for an extended period of time!  They’ll be totally missing out.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work.  People everywhere are very excited to see you there.  No one gets sick of it or irritated in anyway.  It’s not an inconvenience of any kind.  No no!  It’s not like they have better things to do that spending a couple minutes trying to click on whatever you are standing on only to finally give up and try something else.  You aren’t a total and complete waste of time and space.  You are very valuable to everyone’s World of Warcraft experience and I genuinely hope that you don’t suffer any diminished brain capacity due to the vast amounts of effort you have committed to this endeavor.

Cordially signed,

Thistlefizz T. Cogsproket.

Gnome racials are underpowered, just like everyone elses.

Posted in General, Humor with tags , , , on November 10, 2009 by thistlefizz

The Stoppable Force had an article today about racial abilities.  Rather than take up enormous space in his comments section (I already did that is his post about instances), I’m gonna cheat a little and just do my own post about what I think would make cool racial abilities.

Over all I would like a few things to change things across the board.  First of all, I would like to see a change to any profession bonuses.  Either I would like there to be recipes/schematics/whatever that are only available above the level cap (thus actually providing some benefit to having 465 engineering as opposed to having 450), or I would people without the profession (but have the racial bonus) to be able to access one or two of the cool high-end things.

Secondly, get rid of weapon racials.  I hate them. They are stupid. Sorry, I don’t actually have clever reasoning to give.  I just don’t like them.

The other thing I would like to see is the racials being more helpful to each class that race can be.  For example, having an “Expansive Mind” (plus 5% Intellect) is useless as a warrior, or a rogue..  Sure that’s great for mages, warlocks, and eventually priests, but not the other two.  Yes, you could say that Escape Artist makes up for it, but really that’s beneficial for all the gnome classes.  If there’s something for casters, I would like to see something for the melee.  It doesn’t even need to be as specific as something for heals, something for ranged dps, something for tanks, something for melee dps.  Just something caster & something for melee.  But maybe that’s too much wishful thinking.

Anyway, let’s get to the heart of the matter.  I’ve kept most of the good ones, just with a couple changes.  Also, I’m aware that some of these are probably waaaaaay overpowered.  But that’s the fun part right?  Oh and by the way, as I only really play a gnome and a troll, those are the only two I’m going to do this for.  Because doing it for all the races would take way to long and way more energy than I have.

Gnome:

Tutelage of the High Tinker: 15 point bonus skill to engineering.  Allows limited access to certain engineering-only devices regardless of skill level/profession. (e.g. Dalaran AH, enchants)

You Can’t Hit What You Can’t See: Instant, increase dodge/block/parry by 10% by 6 sec. 3 min. cooldown. (something for the warrior tanks out there!)

Expansive Mind: (passive) Increase Intellect by 5%. Also increases hit rating by 3%.

Arcane Resistance: (passive) Increase arcane resistance by 3%.

Escape Artist: Escape the effects of any immobilization or movement speed effects, and makes you immune to them for the next 10 seconds. Instant cast. 1 min, 30 sec cooldown.

For Gnomeregan!: Opens a wormhole to the center of the newly retaken Gnomeregan.  3 sec cast. 30 minute cooldown. (not shared with hearthstone)

Troll:

Regeneration: (passive) Increase healing regen by 10% in and out of combat.

Da Voodoo Shuffle: (passive) Reduces the duration of all movement impairing effects by 15%

Berserking: Instant. Increases melee speed/spell haste by 20% for 10 seconds.  (No longer related to health level because I think that’s stupid. Again, nothing clever, just stupid.)

Beast Mastery: Affinity towards beasts.  Taming pets is easier/faster.  Also grants the ability to purchase and ride any faction mount regardless of reputation.

Jungle Beat: (passive) Nature resistance increased by 3%.

The “I Win” Totem: Only available to troll shamans.  Instant cast. 6 month cooldown.  Drops a totem with 5 health at the feet of the caster. Grants 100% to all stats of all members in the raid.  Kills any enemy within 200 yards, regardless of level.  Includes raid bosses.  Lasts 5 minutes.  Consumes all mana available as well as 15% of your total gold across all characters.

Ok I totally lied.  I thought of a few good ones for some of the other races.

Dwarf:

Cartography: (passive) Skill with maps increased.  Grants ability to track treasure, ore, and herbs simultaneously.

Strength of the Explorer: (passive) Increased stamina/strength by 5%.

I’ve been here before: (passive) Allows dwarf access to old maps, books, and word of mouth which grants them every flight path in Azeroth (including Northrend) and Outlands. Reduced travel cost.

Skill of the Titans: (passive) Increased blacksmithing skill by 15.  Allows access to blacksmith only enchants regardless of skill level or profession.  Also reduces material costs for smelting certain items.

Runed Iron Form: (formerly Stoneform)  Instant. Removes all disease, poison, magic, charm, curse, or any other damage over time effect.  Reduces movement speed by 50%. 5 min cooldown.

Human:

Diplomacy: Increases the rate at which reputation is gained by 10%.  Also, starts off all reputations with at least 50% neutral.

Human Spirit: Increase spirit by 5%.  Increase resilience by 15.

Loyalty to the King!: Instant.  Calls on the will of the Alliance increasing total health by 20%

Dude, I see you: Increases stealth detection on PVE targets.  Able to completely see through PvP target’s stealth when activated.

Skilled hands: Increases tailoring skill by 15.  Increases the effectiveness of cloth scavenging.  Allows access to tailoring only enhancements regardless of skill level/profession.

Draenei:

Blessing of the Naaru: Instant cast. Heals target by x amount over 15 seconds.  Based on spell power/attack power whichever is higher.  If activated when at full health, increases total health by 20% for 30 seconds.  5 minute cooldown.

Gemmcutting: Increases jewelcrafting by 5.  Increases the effectiveness of prospecting skill. Allows access to jewelcrafting only enhancements regardless of skill level/profession.

Heroic Presence: Aura.  Increases chance to hit with spells and abilities by 2% for all party and raid members.  40 yard range.

Shadow Resistance: Reduces the chance to be hit with shadow spells by 3%

E.T. Phone Home!: Instant.  Reconnects with the mother ship, completly eliminating rez sickness and reducing durability loss from spirit rez to 20% (down from 75%).  Only effects equipped items.  5 hour cooldown.

Night Elf:

I’m a dirty hippie: Whines and moans about a bunch of nonsense about saving the sick gazelle in the Barrens.  Increases whining by 10% and judgmental nosiness by 100%.

Shadowmeld Run Away!: Steps into the shadows, reduces enemies ability to detect you.  Drops threat.  Allows you to watch the rest of your party die while you hide in the shadows.

Summon Very Big Bad Guy: Call down the forces of some evil villain thinking that you will be able to exploit them for your own gain, only to have them turn against you.  Again.  (Burning Legion anyone?)

 

 

I’ll leave the rest of the Horde to someone who knows those races better.  Besides that, I think my creativity is all tapped out, as you can tell by the boring ones for the Draenei.

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz

Dalaran, aka Dalalag, aka Lagaran, aka I-can’t-move-or-do-anything-aran

Posted in Humor with tags on November 5, 2009 by thistlefizz

Signs that the lag in Dalaran is getting excessive:

  • You can make it all the way into the rival factions area without being teleported out.
  • You can sit on your flying mount without being dismounted.  In the bank. While flying.  For 10 minutes.
  • Everything loads except for everyone’s clothing.
  • Your computer freezes if you even think about hearthing there.
  • It’s faster to download the next patch than it is to load Dalaran.
  • By the time you get from the inn to the flight path, your guild has cleared Ulduar.
  • You get a port there and by the time the city loads, Deathwing has returned.

Seriously.  Enough is enough.  And people wonder why there’s no Auction House, or a Violet Hold summoning stone.

“[Insert clever sign off phrase here]“

~Fizz